Your Family is Not Your Enemy; They are Co-Pilots in Your Shared Goals

Apart from those who truly do not want you to thrive, could it be that the people closest to you, without realizing it, are not unsupportive of your dreams—that they might only be reacting based on lack of information?

“Successful, goal-oriented people like me are difficult to love,” said one of my coaching clients who has been told this statement many times by her own family, friends, and co-workers. - Mrs. Perfect

“Everyone needs to grow especially in ways that make them feel most alive, but it seems like trying to expand means hurting the people you love,” said one of my coaching clients who has been told this statement many times by his own family, friends, and co-workers. - Mr. Almost CEO

These represent a reality that many people do not want to talk about. Such reality has destroyed marriages, caused mental health challenges in children and spouses, and even kept externally perfect families devoid of inner joy.

Mrs. Perfect

“They always say they are proud of me as I am able to juggle everything—working a full-time job, cooking, taking care of my three kids, keeping the house clean, helping my friends when they need me, and keeping quality time for my husband. Then, the moment I got promoted to Director at my job, things slowly changed—they like the fact I can contribute more financially to my family’s income, yet they jokingly tell me being a Director undermines my husband’s role in our family (he is working a respectable blue collar job while I work in finance), if you know what they mean. The funny thing is—all of them have the same opinion, except my kids who told me, they are proud of their mommy (especially my oldest who wants to be a strong woman like me). However, my best friend since high school who I thought would be my first cheerleader emphasized I am becoming selfish and think I am all that to act in such a “haughty” way. I feel horrible.”

Mr. Almost CEO

“No one understands me when I say that evolving is an important ingredient to joy. Everyone said it’s irresponsible of me to quit my 20-year long tenure in a job that pays $160,000 a year with pension and start my own company at 57. We were poor growing up and the idea of becoming an entrepreneur is considered wishful thinking, if not a sin. I thought that saving $350,000 for almost two decades of my working life, not missing my son’s soccer games, paying off our mortgage, loving and being faithful husband to my wife, and even serving in church almost every Sunday is fair to all—-to not want to chastise me for following my dreams. I was wrong! I am so frustrated.”

Partnership is Built on Mutual Goals

When I work with my coaching clients, we start by discussing goals (not goals of other people—theirs). Frustration comes from not being able to fully express who you are, so you act out your frustration via your attitude towards your work, your friends, your family, and even your own self (i.e., self-sabotage). When your goals and values are unclear, you will go through life trying to only survive its blandness.

Then, I ask them about their most important stakeholders —their immediate family. Do you include them in your goals and implementation, or do you work alone? The overwhelming response: they work on their goals alone for fear of not being understood while banking on their family accepting those goals once they can reap the benefits one day. Bingo!

Partnership is built on mutual goals. If you are married or in a long-term relationship, especially with kids, this is going to be the most important thing you can do for the health of your relationship—work on mutual goals that benefit all of your family, not just you, while not sacrificing your whole identity as an individual person.

Here are the top three things you can do now so you can use your goals to strengthen your family, not destroy it:

1. Communicate: Have regular informal and formal goal sessions with your partner regarding your short- and long-term goals. This way, you can make adjustments to them, ensuring they are aligned for the benefit of your whole family—all without giving up what keeps you excited about life. If you have school-aged kids, a separate discussion appropriate for their age will be helpful (e.g., Mommy and I are thinking about her going back to work next year to help us save for a house, so we don’t have to rent anymore. Before you two were born, mommy was a teacher. How do you feel about mommy going back to work?)

2. Do: Ensure everyone in the family share responsibilities towards meeting your family’s goals (e.g., Mom goes back to work part-time while kids and Dad alternate helping with the dishes during mom’s workdays).

3. Revise: Plans don’t necessarily mean they will work perfectly. Consider goals as dynamic—they can and should evolve to become something better. Be open to change as long as you are in it together.

Mrs. Perfect: On Partnership and Love

“I finally had a talk with my husband. He didn’t know I was having a hard time. He said he’s always believed in me and that he thought of me as a strong, independent woman, so he didn’t extend help with anything. Now that he knows I also need a break, we started sharing household chores. He also said he is sorry for not speaking up when my traditional family talks about my work undermining him. This is a start.”

Mr. Almost CEO: From I to We

“My wife said she is not ready for such an abrupt change, but she wants me to be happy. I feel so relieved—because I know she is not against me wanting to quit my job, so I can start a business, we agreed for me wait 3 years when our son finishes high school. Then, she will go back to teach part-time just so we can have a stable income while I grow our business. I am okay to wait because I know I can do this better when I am not hurting my wife and kids. I am so excited for this new life!”

Closing Message

According to the Gottman Institute, successful relationships are built when individuals “turn toward” each other instead of away, creating a culture of emotional support rather than competition or criticism (Gottman & Gottman, 2015).

This means that your partner and your family, as a whole, are not your enemy. They are also not mere cheerleaders—they are your co-pilots on your way to your destination.

By changing our mindset and by being willing to work with your family instead of growing alone, such difficult situations can be turned into opportunities to thrive together in love.

Reference

Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). Eight dates: Essential conversations for a lifetime of love. Workman Publishing.

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Maria Soriano is a dynamic leader, storyteller, and advocate for courageous living. As the founder and CEO of Courage Creatives, she helps individuals break through fear, find clarity, and take bold, values-driven steps toward personal and professional growth.

Dubbed as the Courage Coach, Maria brings deep empathy and actionable strategies to those navigating life transitions. She is also a sought-after host and emcee for community and corporate events, known for her energy, presence, and authenticity.

A SHRM-certified HR professional with years of experience in talent development, Maria also leads GoodHire Recruitment, a boutique agency that connects purpose-driven professionals with mission-aligned organizations. Her work in career architecture and workforce well-being has empowered countless individuals to align their gifts with meaningful work.

In addition, Maria brings over a decade of experience in higher education and currently serves as an adjunct faculty member at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. She is also pursuing a graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, further deepening her ability to support others with compassion and insight.

Her love for storytelling continues through The Courageously Speaking Podcast, where she hosts raw, unfiltered conversations on resilience, leadership, and growth. Outside her professional work, Maria is a singer-songwriter who often collaborates with her husband, using music to inspire connection and healing.

At the heart of everything she does, Maria champions courage — helping others embrace uncertainty, trust their instincts, and live boldly and authentically.